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About Literature / Artist GeenaFemale/United States Group :icongorywriters: GoryWriters
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Art is the most important thing to me. Music, photography and writing are my life. Please, don't use any of this work for your own. All artwork in my gallery is me. If you want to use any photos, ask me, but absolutely no using any of my writing as your own. That's like stealing my soul.

Thank you.





themonsteriam's Profile Picture
Artist | Literature
United States
Art is more than just a word. It is the way I live. The way I breathe. It flows through my veins and keeps my heart beating.

My soul longs for it.

Personal Quote:

"I’ve tried so hard
to love like an ocean
and sprawl out so vastly
and bury so deep
that it could be seen from the grandest of heights.
Maybe it’s time
to love like a whisper;
subtly and secret,
up close and soft,
so you can curl up and rest in it
rather than drown."


there are waves inside of me
like thunder or
the ocean

i feel the power all at once
in the form of pain
and i can't stop it from sinking between my joints

i can't breathe without it
and it's killing me
this ocean

this storm
the kind of torture
that comes from the past in waves
first shallow and insecure
afraid to touch
then all at once blinding deep

the sea couldn't taste my skin
so it spat me out
but i could taste the indigo
salty clean like blood on my lips
uneven and bending still

i look at the rain when it falls
and think of you always
although we haven't spoken in years
there's something about that sort of irony
it breaks me

that kind of darkness
it tortures slow and crooked
filling your skull like a cup
with thick frosting memories
sickeningly sweet

i should vomit up the pain
i should purge the grey
but what happens when you grow to love it?
i should let go
but i can't let myself breathe clean

i should let go
but every ounce of darkness i've ever known
has its fingers around my throat
begging me to stay in whispers i can't ignore

every edge of me is sharp and bruised
i should let go
but i just keep sinking
into the comfort of the shadow
that has its teeth in my flesh

i should let go
but i am the daughter of this suffering
known and unknown all at once
blind and wise

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the light has left me  
all at once i am without

but still i am within
curled into myself
by the shadows my bones create against flesh

against flesh

and you are
you are

and i am a crooked fog
mirrored by the lucid sky
longing to be the same shade of blue
longing to be any color at all

words escape me now
more than they ever have
and curled into myself

i lose composure
i rupture

my seams come undone
and the bubbles of warm crimson
that pour from me like wine

raspberries against my skin
turning me inside out
i scream

but the light has left me

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i am enraptured by the thick red glow
of the air
after a storm

i am seduced by the redolence
of the wind in july
smoke floating from charred wood
through the leaves

i am possessed by every dark corner

silently lurking between the fingers of death
and being reborn between the legs of life
the piquant flavor of god's blush colored pussy
as i leak onto the floor

melting into new end

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i was walking through the store yesterday and i found myself in an aisle filled with birthday party items. party favors, plastic packages filled with happy yellow balloons that reminded me of how cheerless and pessimistic i have become. the colors around me suddenly felt damp. watered down with spit, like someone drained their saliva into the party aisle and i was swimming in it. floating in a sticky pool next to someone's tongue. being eaten alive.

moments of joy are seldom for me. i find it hard to distinguish between reality and delusion. some can conjure a yellow balloon just by closing their eyes and wishing for it. someone like me wishes, dreams, fantasizes about a yellow balloon for years and only receives the grey ones. and then i proceed to convince myself that the grey balloons are okay because grey matches everything, and all the décor at my pessimistic party for one will be well coordinated and pristine just like my misery.

i stared into the toilet bowl wishing for tears to come but vomit cascaded from my mouth instead, draining my demons, up my throat, out my nose, a gush of water mixed with kale and a rush to the brain causing a headache that ibuprofen never cures. those damn grey balloons.

happiness is fleeting and unreliable, like trust. a series of unanswered texts and missed calls, pushing people away because you know they'd rather leave anyway. i'm getting lightheaded from blowing up all these goddamn balloons. the room is filled with floating grey orbs and i'm feeling claustrophobic. i focus my attention to the glowing screen in front of me. yellow balloons, happy faces. i am deflated.

people ask me why i keep spending money on grey balloons if i really just want the yellow ones. fuck if i know. my whole skull is a grey balloon, and my body is a shell incapable of bursting.

i look at the moon and wish my balloon skull could float me to the surface.
again, i haven't updated in a while. i'm starting to feel as though journals are really pointless when you're like me and have no one to read them or comment on them. i don't have many friends on deviantart anymore, but i still use it because i find it's a wonderful outlet and place to keep and show my writing and photography. hopefully soon i will be able to start scanning in and sharing some of my pantings with you all as well. (funny how i say "you all" as if i'm actually speaking to people, ha.) 

anyway, thank you all for your continued support, no matter how small. just those of you out there being a watcher means a lot to me. <3

this may be my last journal update again for a while, but if i think of anything else or if i have any comments to make about the painting situation i will let you all know. (there i go again). 

i just hate feeling so obligated to update things, so i tend to be lazy with this one since no one reads my journals on here.
  • Listening to: it varies. view my interests for further details.
  • Reading: i read a book a day, can't keep up
  • Watching: too many shows too little time
  • Playing: too many games too little time
  • Eating: it's still a struggle
  • Drinking: water, coffee, wine (all at once maybe?)

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Add a Comment:
goodbyeafterglow Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2015  Professional Writer
thank you for the watch:hug:
themonsteriam Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2015   Writer
no problem, thank you for yours :)
When-Will-We-Learn Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Thank you for the :+fav: :heart: it's glad to see that you've been on dA again too :3
themonsteriam Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013   Writer
:3 no problem :heart:
hushed-lullabies Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday! (: <3
let--me--out Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2012   Writer
thanks so much for the favourites!
p.s. how have you been?? :]
Arya-Metru Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love you.
themonsteriam Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012   Writer
I love you too :")
Arya-Metru Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
kjtgp1 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
Want you to know that you are amazing & you're my friend until my death.
If I don't get this back, I understand. But, I have a game for you, once you read this letter, you must send it to 15 people, including the person that sent it to you .
If you receive at least 3 back, you are loved. Nobody knows how important something is until...................they lose it.
Tonight, right at 12:00a.m., the person you like is going to realize that they love you!
Then, something is going to happen to you between 1:00 & 2:00a.m. Be ready for the greatest shock of your life.
If you break this chain, you, you are going to have bad luck with love for a whole year. Send this to 15 people and see what happens ♥♥♥
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